Wherever you go, there you are...

I wish I had some pictures to go with this post, but its probably better that I don't - they'd be mainly empty wine bottles and rainy days and sad pathetic shots of crumbling post-Soviet infrastructure, to match my mood.

Tbilisi is actually the most beautiful city I've ever seen. A sublime mix of old and new, culture and consumerism, religion and modernism. My hotel has a glass sauna on the 18th floor and I've been spending half an hour there every night looking over the twinkling lights reflecting off the Mt'k'vari River....and thinking (always a dangerous thing).

In a lot of ways, this work trip is the culmination of what my hopes and dreams for this job were. I'm in a foreign country, working to build health infrastructure and public health capacity with eager clinicians and epidemiologists, working with some of the top movers and shakers in the global health field, and enjoying some of the perks of traveling on the government dime. But despite all the excitement and opportunity, I go sit in the sauna at the end of the day and feel pretty - empty.

I dread going back to Egypt. The political and social unrest, the lack of friendly faces and social support, and regular 10-12 hour work days are beginning to take their toll. I feel unconfident in the work I do - it sounds impressive on paper, but at the end of the day its hard for me to say what I actually accomplished.

I came to this job because I thought it would make me fulfilled. I had dreamed of working in Global Health for a long time, and this was my opportunity, despite the fact that it came at a most inopportune time. I don't feel fulfilled. I feel lost, insecure, and more than a little scared about what the future holds.

So if this isn't what fulfills me - what will? I have some clues, but I don't know whether to trust them.

1. I had the most wonderful social and support system in Austin. I was surrounded by so many awesome people who were always up for a variety of things - going out, staying in, checking out music, cooking, camping, traveling etc. I obviously need more of a social connection in my life to feel happy.

2. Yesterday, Dr. S (the neurologist from CDC who is here working with me on this study) was called to do a consultation for one of the participating clinicians here. Her husband is dying of lymphoma and had some neurological symptoms she was hoping Dr. S could evaluate. I accompanied him to the hospital and was so moved, as I always am, at the power of good clinical care. There isn't much to be done for this man unfortunately, but the ability to provide some expertise and a caring, thoughtful examination, is something I wish I had developed.

3. My family is having an awfully hard time right now. My mom (who is battling her own cancer diagnosis) is doing much better at the moment, but we're all very afraid of what the future will bring and what that will mean for all of us. I know she wants me to pursue my dream, but I worry that I'm wasting an opportunity to be spending time with her when we don't know how much of that we have left.

4. I am a happier person in a relationship. I know feminists everywhere are going to accuse me of drinking the Kool-Aid and succumbing to the false belief that a woman is nothing without a man. I don't think I'm "nothing" as a single person - but I know that being in a supportive, happy relationship is something I that will fulfill that little piece of emptiness I'm battling at the moment. I know my past romantic endeavors didn't work out so well, for various reasons, and maybe thats a clue that marriage/partnership isn't in the cards for me - but I would like to hope otherwise. Living in Egypt and traveling to far corners of the world isn't going to put me in situations where I can spend time developing those relationships.

All of these things are pointing me back home - maybe to starting pursuing a clinical care degree while spending time with my family and being closer to my friends. Maybe I'm just running from a challenge. I have no idea how to assess that. All I can do is keep going for now, and look for opportunities to change my situation at every chance I get.

Hashemite Kingdom Part 2

The official name of Jordan is "The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan", which sounds pretty awesome, right?

Anyway, after picking up A., we proceeded on to Wadi Rum for a Jeep tour and camping in the desert.

Those "Camel Crossing" signs on the highway? They weren't joking.

 Tourism in Wadi Rum is the major source of income for the Bedouin tribes living in the area, who are the official caretakers of Wadi Rum desert and Petra. They are a very handsome people, darker skinned than most other Jordanians, and with smooth curly black hair. The men wear sparkling white robes, which never seem to get dirty even in the dust of the desert. This all adds to the tall, dark, and handsome allure  - I've heard from numerous people that sex tourism is not completely unheard of for Western women who want the full Bedouin, ahem, experience. But I digress from our trip (which did not include that particular experience...)

Our guide's name was Aatif, and he brought along a friend. We set off in a Jeep that was probably purchased around the time Mubarak came to power, and had no shocks to speak of. This made off-roading a somewhat painful experience, and I'm pretty sure I bruised my tailbone somewhere about the way. The scenery made us forget all the discomfort though...

Can you see me?

The landscape reminded me quite a bit of Utah, with the red rocks, sandy floor, and numerous arches, which brought back a lot of good memories from a trip I took with friends this past March to Canyonlands National Park. In addition to the rocks and arches, there were canyons and petroglyphs to explore:

Thanks A., this is a fantastic shot of my better side

Now at this point, Aatif and friend and doing a fantastic job driving.

So I can't understand why they thought it would be fun to let us drive for a while. Maybe this is part of the tourist bit, maybe they were bored, maybe Bedouins have a woman driver fetish. Whatever the case may be, I was first in the drivers seat. This was my first, and possibly last, time driving a manual. Aatif elected to hang out the backseat window and take pictures while his friend (who didn't really speak the ingleezi) gave me directives - "Clutch" "Schweya schweya! (slow down!)", "Clutch Clutch Clutch!".

Do you see the terror in his eyes?

Note our friends use of the "Oh Shit" handle

After everyone recovered, I handed it over to B. In addition to growing up in Idaho, B. used to work in Las Vegas and go off-roading in the desert quite a bit, so this was old hat for her. Even the Bedouins were impressed - laughing and smiling and generally approving of our gringa off-road endeavors. But then it was A.'s turn. A. jumped into the drivers seat with gusto and with B's command of "Drive it like you stole it!" we raced off into the desert. A. likes to drive fast, and not stay in the tracks so much. This was great fun for all, until:

Oops.

We are in the middle of the desert, with a flat tire, and no cell phone reception. One would think that carrying a spare tire is covered in Jeep Touring 101, but apparently Aatif had skipped that day. So, we had no choice but to drive to camp on a completely flat tire, shredding it to bits as we go. There were several other Bedouin men at the camp when we arrived, and they had another Jeep, so we were all set to get back the next morning.

Sleeping at the camp was relatively uneventful (and I have no pictures to share because my camera battery was running low at that point) but at dinner our guides proposed a sunrise camel ride, to the tune of 45JD. This is convenient, because 45JD is the exact amount that Aatif had mentioned it would cost him to replace the tire we destroyed. And since we were good sports, B. and I agreed to be woken at stupid o'clock and seek out the sunrise on the backs of smelly, cranky beasts of burden. (A. could not be persuaded to get up at stupid o'clock).

B. on camel

You know, even though it cost almost as much as the whole Jeep trip, and was obviously an attempt to recoup the tire costs, this was my favorite part of the trip. The desert was absolutely silent - I never understood the phrase "The silence was deafening" until that morning.

I wasn't having a good time on the camel (its a bumpy and high off the ground ride), so we elected to walk back alongside them, which gave us an opportunity to talk with the teenage boy taking care of the camels. He was very sweet, and obviously treated the animals very well - he petted them and sang to them, and they seemed to trust him. The little white one (on the right) was pregnant, and we learned that camels gestate for a whole year before giving birth. They also have long eyelashes, and despite the smell, they are pretty cute. :)

When we arrived back to camp, eggs, bread, tea, and a bright-eyed bushy-tailed A. were waiting for us.

At this point, we had to head out to get A. to Aqaba in time to catch the ferry back to Dahab. The replacement Jeep had open benches to ride in the back. There's no better way to see the desert than in the open air, bouncing along on a metal bench in the back of a 4x4.

View over the front of the Jeep

View from the Back

This is where the battery on my camera died, and so the rest of our trip is undocumented. This is sad for all of you, because at one point B. and I were sprawled out on a beach chair at the Dead Sea, in bikinis, completely covered in black Dead Sea mud, sitting next to two woman completely covered in black burqas. That picture, had it been taken, would have perfectly expressed what I loved about Jordan - the tolerance, diversity, and natural beauty that made the country such an unforgettable, welcoming, and intriguing piece of the Middle East.

This Thursday, I am headed to Georgia (the Republic, not the state) for over two weeks to get a project underway - have to say I'm looking forward to a break from the heat, pollution, and political tension here. I've heard amazing things about Georgia from everyone who's been. I plan to consume as much wine, pork, and beautiful scenery as possible (while working really, really hard of course...).

Sending lots of love to everyone - missing you all so much.

Adventures in the Hashemite Kingdom

I'm back from a week in Jordan. Feels like I was gone much, much longer than a week, and to be honest, I'm a little sad to be back.

Jordan was everything I like about the Middle East, and very few of the things I have a hard time with. I realize that my experience is colored by the fact that I started off in a five-star hotel (for a regional flu surveillance conference) and spent the rest of the week hitting the high spots. I feel incredibly petty comparing Jordan's strengths with Egypt's weakness, but I'll say this without shame - it felt pretty damn good to do everything I can't in Cairo: 1) wear short sleeves, 2) drive a car, 3) eat consistently good food, 4) swim in a bathing suit, 5) look males in the eye without inviting crude sexual harassment. BTW, Jordanian men, on the whole, are ridiculously handsome (more on this later). I reiterate, it was a good week.

  I started out at the very posh Intercontinental Amman (conference). The low point of this week was the rambling presentation I gave to a large group of bored Ministry of Health representatives from around the Middle East and Central Asia. The high point was the food. Oh my god the food. This could be another post in and of itself. I still have dreams about the buffets for breakfast/lunch. I actually have them memorized, as it was pointed out by someone later in the week when I was recounting the spread in great detail.

  Amman is a pretty little city, not all that much to see, but very clean and orderly and welcoming. The city is actually on the same site as Greek Philadelphia - how it came to be Amman, I'm not sure. As boring as the conference was at times, I had an exciting adventure to look forward to at the end. For about a month, I'd been planning to travel around with one of our epis, B, who is stationed in Accra, Ghana. She was in town for the conference and wanted to make the trip well worth the time spent on the plane.

Amman at night

The hills of Amman

The conference ended on Tuesday, and that night B and I hit the road in our rental Nissan Sunny.

Wahooooooo!

Jordan is really small, so nothing is very far away from anything else. We only drove about 3 hours (on gorgeous, beautifully paved highways) south to Petra and crashed for the night.

 Now I have a secret to share with you. My first career aspiration was to be an archaeologist. Specifically Indiana Jones. Or, at the very least, his ruggedly beautiful, adventurous, well-traveled girlfriend. This tells you a little bit about how excited I was to see Petra.

My posse

  Words cannot begin to describe the beauty and immensity of Petra. Its still thought that a large percentage of the ruins haven't even been discovered yet. Petra is not just the Treasury (the most famous of the structures, seen in the picture above), its an entire city spread over miles and miles. The pictures don't do it justice, but I'll try. 

It was at Petra that we met A.

A. had been on vacation in Dahab and decided to pop over to see Jordan for a few days, where we found her hiking Petra in short shorts, gold gladiator sandals and without water. She talked more than B and I combined, swore like a sailor, and couldn't give a shit about propriety in the Middle East. Naturally, we invited her to travel the rest of the week with us.

I've got to leave the 2nd part for another post - work has been pretty crazy. Hopefully, I finish the Jordan edition before I leave for Georgia (the country) next week.

Middle East post 9/11

I know I've been neglectful with posting. After my trip home, I jumped right back into work and a lot of items that had been put on the back burner during Ramadan (i.e. roughly translated as: the month of non-productivity). I have boat pictures, and an upcoming trip to Jordan next week that I hope will provide good fodder for interesting blog posts. :)

However, I thought this article was worth sharing in the mean time. I find it almost dead-on, and see of the issues Zakaria points out on a daily basis.

One quick question - are any of you able to receive email notifications that I made a new post? One of my friends said she signed up via the link at the top righthand corner of the blog page, but isn't getting emails.
Thanks. Hope everyone is well going into fall. I think just about everyone could use some cooler temps right now.

Eating Egypt

I love food. It might be my favorite part of being alive. And in my opinion, the best way to explore a new place is through the local food scene. Open air markets, street food, fancy-schmancy restaurants, hole-in-the-wall joints, I want to eat it all! And, man, have I lived in some great cities for eating. I had the world's best barbecue in Central Texas, an amazing international farmer's market in Atlanta, my first pho experience in Orange County, and a plethora of Ethopian restaurants in DC. A little exploring off the beaten path tends to pay off in unexpected ways. Case in point: I had the best sushi of my life in a Japanese restaurant in La Paz, Bolivia - a completely landlocked country. To get around the lack of available seafood, they used trucha (trout) caught fresh daily from Lake Titicaca to make the sushi and sashimi.

Exploring food in Cairo has been more challenging because of the language and culture barriers I touched on earlier. I'm don't yet know how to ask "What is this?", and even if I did, I wouldn't understand the answer. In my neighborhood, the grocery stores and restaurants generally have menus and prices posted in English, but anywhere off the island you take your chances and hope for pictures.

This has led to a few surprises. For example - what would you guess this product is?

Unfortunately, it wasn't butter*, which make it hard to cook my eggs the next day at breakfast.

Milk comes in a box. Pro - it lasts forever and you don't need to refrigerate till after you open it. Con - thinking about what they did to it so it wouldn't spoil.

Egyptians eat a lot of yogurt. I went to the equivalent of Walmart (Carrefour) and they had an entire refrigerator aisle with nothing but yogurt - all unflavored. I asked an employee where the fruit flavored stuff was and she looked at me like I was insane. Really? You're the one with 50 varieties of plain yogurt! I found this mango-flavored stuff at a more westernized store.

Among the many terrible side effects of my last relationship (with a European) was that I developed quite a taste for nice (read: expensive) cheese. I am embarrassed to say how much I spent on these and am guarding them with my life. Passport and credit cards get stuffed in the dresser drawer, but my cheese goes in the locked fridge.

Note the lock. They knew the fat kid was coming to town. 

Speaking of fat kids, I'm really digging the different flavors of potato chips they have here, maybe a little too much. Lemon and chili - sounds weird, tastes delicious.

Anyone who knows me well knows I love me some spiciness, so I went in search of a local variant of my tried-and-true favorite, Sriracha. I found this stuff at the corner store.

Its essential coarsely chopped chilis with the skins left on, so the end effect is more bitter than spicy. Maybe this is what they were going for, but I wasn't a fan.

I was warned by a co-worker in Austin that the fresh produce in Cairo is limited and disappointing, and I'm glad to say she was wrong (she was wrong about several things but that's another post). There are a plethora of juice bars, fruit stands, and vegetable stalls in Cairo. Yes, they're not as "pretty" as the displays in Whole Foods or Central Market, and they spoil more quickly, but they actually taste like real fruits and vegetables. And I guarantee they haven't been irradiated or injected with food coloring. The tomatoes here are unbelievable.

Always red, juicy, and full of flavor. I'm drooling just looking at this picture. 50 cents a pound, I kidyounot.

The juice bars will squeeze fresh cup of fruit juice for you to enjoy in the shop or take home by the bottle. Their hygienic standards may not be the most stringent, but you can't get fresher or more delicious than squeezed-to-order juice.

Mango juice squeezed into a used water bottle.  Dubious hygiene, unquestionable deliciousness.

Speaking of hygiene, I coughed up the money for a fancy, schmancy space-age (not really) water filter so I can drink out of the tap sans Cipro chaser. In actuality, the water here is overly chlorinated (reminiscent of swimming pool water) so pathogens aren't so much of the issue as contaminants. The piping system is absolutely ancient and as a result, a lot of heavy metals have leached into the water supply. From the reports I've read, I gather that drinking unfiltered Cairo water is akin to eating paint chips.

The three chambers filter out different sizes of these metals and particles, kind of like a Brita on steroids. It still tastes terrible, but at least I'm less worried about permanent brain damage.

As far as eating out goes, let's just say I've gained back any weight I lost during my, ahem, "episode" last month. The typical diet is starch, bread, carbs, sweets, and meat. (Oh and unflavored yogurt) Delicious stuff, but it packs on the pounds quickly. Here is a picture of dinner out with my Egyptian colleagues and their families in Alexandria.

They're happier people than they look in this picture!

 I let one of the little girls order for me, and she ensured I got more grilled meat, bread, and mezze than I could handle - and I pride myself on being able to handle a lot. To supplement the feast, she insisted I try a typical rice dish called biram ruz (I think it means baked rice?). It came in an individual casserole dish baked with cream, butter, seasonings, and - surprise! - more meat. A vegetarian's nightmare, a carnivore's dream!

Also - bizarrely - EVERYWHERE does home delivery. Upscale restaurants, fast food, hole-in-the-wall places, grocery stores, even McDonalds (which is all sorts of wrong in so many ways). You don't even have to speak Arabic, this website makes it easy for lazy expats to avoid inadvertently ordering sheep brains or liver or some such Egyptian delicacy you weren't ready to try that particular night. (For reference, the current rate is about 6LE to $1, so as you can see, prices for delivery are ridiculously cheap).

ALSO - very exciting - I had my first Egyptian beer last night! This was somewhat of a challenge because the majority of bars and restaurants that normally serve alcohol (which are few and far between anyway) stop serving during Ramadan. We stopped at two placesy and were informed they were not serving before we finally found a pub that was open and fully functioning. It felt a little like a drinking in a speakeasy. The door was unmarked and inconspicuous, the inside was dark and smoky, and the whole experience felt deliciously taboo.

Not the tastiest, but after a 2 weeks of teetotaling, it sure hit the spot.

Ramadan Kareem indeed!

*The mystery product was essentially Egyptian-style Velveeta.